SSCS 03: Installment 14 of 35
Those Monsters We Have Dreamed About
This is Installment 14 of this year’s SSCS. If you want to start at the beginning of ‘Those Monsters We Have Dreamed About’, go here! If you want to know what the heck an SSCS is, go here!
Previously…
And then another went by, just as quick. By now, the dread was such a hard knot in my belly, that I didn’t even realize I was squeezing Jack’s hand tight in my own until he spoke again. “Aren’t they bigger than that?” His voice was pitched so that it should have been too quiet for me to hear. “Aren’t they –” We squeezed each other’s hands tighter. Great Fish – terrible and monstrous – were supposedly much bigger than that, but if this rain had made the river flood… My voice was choked inside me. I could only shake my head, denying.
…Those Monsters We Have Dreamed About
Installment 14: 20.1106
I was still staring out the shop windows, frozen with terror, when the pain knifed its way up my arm, all the way from the heel of my hand to my shoulder. I jerked my hand away from Jack’s and stumbled out of my chair, my arm feeling like I’d been struck by lightning. But there’d been no flash and no sound, not even me screaming. It hurt so much the only sound I could force out was barely even a whine.
“Jhanni, what?” Jack jerked his eyes from the windows to me where I’d fallen back into a corner between the back wall and the counter. His eyes widened even more than they had been and his nostrils flared. “What’s wrong?” He came toward me, but not close enough to touch, as though I might strike out at him. I wanted to answer, but my arm hurt so much that all I could do was shake my head, back and forth, and back and forth, and back and forth. No one else seemed to have noticed us. The sound and the surrounding bright curtain of the rain, and the memory and fear of passing shadows, filling up everyone else’s whole world. The feeling of pain was creeping over the top of my shoulder, as though someone were slowly dragging a knife, preparing for a long downward cut.
Another series of indistinct shapes streaked by outside the window, and I gasped. Because momentarily, with the sight of them, the pain lessened. But then they were gone, and it came back. I wanted to burst into tears. My arm was burning, and the heavy damp air in the noodle shop was too hot, was burning it worse.
“It hurts.” I was gripping my arm beneath the forearm, trying to hold it both still and away from me. “I don’t know why it hurts.” Outside the rain would be cooler. I wanted to run out into it, to run screaming, but instead I managed to say, “Please don’t let me go out there.”
“Okay.” Jack swallowed, still looking terrified. But he came over and sat beside me in the corner, his shoulder and hip pressed firm against mine. If it had been real pain, a real wound, the touch would only have made it hurt worse, but instead it made things just the barest bit better. Just enough that I could make myself hold still so that I wouldn’t move away from him, wouldn’t lose the contact. There was a horrible feeling in my stomach, thrashing around and urging me to run out into the downpour – out to where there were probably monsters – but the feeling of Jack’s shoulder and hip were just enough to keep it chained.
And then the curtain of the falling water swept past, the roar of the rain falling away like when your ears pop and you can hear again. And with the rain, the pain left too.
Inside the shop, people were sobbing. I wasn’t sure whether I was one of them. I knew that I was shaking, or Jack was, or we both were. And my face was wet. For what seemed like a very long time, we both just sat there in the corner, our hands at some point having found each other again and clasped tight.
I’d almost run out there, into the rain. I could feel that knowledge still thrumming beneath my breastbone and it made me afraid to move, afraid I’d be sick and throw up. Better just to hold still.
Finally, Jack and I drew long, shuddering breaths at the same time and he moved an inch away from me, breaking contact. He stood up, and held out a hand to help me up. I stood, and looked over at my bowl of noodles still sitting on the counter where I’d left it. I shouldn’t have been able to eat after that, but I was still hungry, so I sat down, and took a bite. After I’d swallowed it, I looked up at Jack who was still standing in the same spot. “I can find my way back if you need to go now.” I lowered my eyes and bowed my head a bit in a way I hoped looked polite, but really I was afraid to look too long at the expression on his face. The white of his teeth was invisible now.
“No. I’ll wait.”
As we walked back from the noodle shop, we were quiet, but it wasn’t the stony silence I had expected. The clouds had parted enough to let some sunlight shine through, though it was a bit muted and yellow with the city’s ever-present haze. It smelled…I was afraid to take a deep breath. The air seemed clean and new, but I was afraid that if I breathed in too deep I’d smell the salt and some indefinable darkness hiding underneath. We’d seen something rushing by in the rain. Many somethings. Were they still on the streets of the city, hiding in alleyways? Had they gone completely with the path of the rain? Or maybe they’d gone and hidden in the junkyards. Maybe they were gathering and waiting and the river had used this opportunity to send more.